The pain of abandonment.
Being abandoned hurts. In the moment, it can feel like you can’t breathe and that life is about to end. And then comes the painful sensations that ripple through the body and fills you with paralyzing panic.
What did I do wrong?
Should I have been a better spouse, mother, father, child?
Has my world frozen over?
I have a terrible migraine.
Where did it come from, I haven't had a migraine since I met Johnny?
I have just had a lightbulb moment! I realize I have just pushed the anger about Johnny ending our relationship into my own head and now I have a migraine.
Maybe I would rather Johnny have the migraine, but I'm the kind of person who would ever 'think' of anything so angry or aggressive.
...OR IS IT ANGER OR AGGRESSION THAT I AM FEELING IN MY BODY?
The tension in my chest and arms tells me that even thinking about being angry, is a bad as being angry.
Could this be the cause of my headache?
Come to think of it, I also have a squeamish feeling in my stomach.
Is that also the result of stuffing my feelings down too?
Maybe noticing my anger and disappointment at the end of the relationship will help me to not repeat the same fear of abandonment next time things get a bit rocky?
Without awareness we can become fearful of experiencing abandonment again.
Harmful coping strategies emerge, like the migraine, self-blame, guilt about the anger if we are unaware, we are destined to repeat the scenario over and over creating more pain and being put at a greater risk of being rejected.
Now the desperate behavior and hair-trigger nervous system response can make abandonment a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you suffer from chronic pain, TMS, or PPD you may find the questions below will help you make the connection between the tension in your body and chronic anxiety and pain.
The ACES Question
Was a biological parent ever lost to you through divorce, abandonment, or other reasons? Did you often or very often feel that no one in your family ever loved you or thought you were important or special? Or your family did not look out for each other, feel close to each other? lookout for each other?
Did a parent or other adult often or very often, Swear at you, insult you, put you down or humiliate you? or act in a way that made you afraid that you may be physically hurt?
These are all factors that can increase your predisposition towards psychosomatic, stress-based illness. Which we have now grown to call TMS.
Its easy to make suggestions like journaling and meditation though most of us need a guide to help our recovery. We have old interactional patterns that no longer serve us; these patterns create our everyday experience and can cause stress, anxiety, fear and psychosomatic symptoms as well as chronic pain.
Dr Tovah and Rose have developed an 8 week program, to support you in your journey to vibrant health, inner peace and happiness.
The eight (8) program consists of separate weekly meetings with each us. We bring different mindbody approaches to enhance your recovery.
This journey is best accomplished with the support of two healthcare professionals,
with many years of treating patients. Rose and Tovah have up to date clinical experience treating chronic pain patients.
Dr Tovah Goldfine, a specialist in Rehabilitation and a doctor of Chiropractic.
Rose Hoey is a Registered Nurse, and ISTDP Psychotherapist.
Both have years of experience in the healthcare system and understand the "medically unexplained symptoms (MUS)" patients receive from doctors and surgeons.
We find that most health professionals in the medical system will not ask their patients "what else is going on in your life."